Saturday, February 9, 2008

Love, Or Something Like It

As the premier blogger on the intersection of animals and sex, you'd probably assume that I've seen my fair share of animals in the proverbial playpen. Well, not so much. I follow a strict Don't Trust Breeders policy. And let's face it, outside of peregrine falcons, we bi-peds have done a pretty good job of kicking the animal kingdoms sweeter breeds to those pesky invisible margins where, well, they do the dirty in relative privacy.

Thus, while I have been known to promote and enjoy the occasionally wilderness naked play, when it comes to my own personal experience with animal sex, I can only lay claim to a few hilarious incidents of, "what is this dog doing? I think its trying to play... wrestle maybe... but its muscles are so oddly stiff and its like... hugging me... oh, OH, NO! Its trying to have sex with me! Stop it!" and some lame insect peepshows. That and of course the time I saw Iguanas doing it Costa Rica.

Now, I hesitate to say this because I hate to promote rhetorics of rape -- rape is bad, rhetorics of rape are almost as socially destructive -- but the more I write about animals doing it, the more I wonder if certain dominating spirit isn't a bit instinctive.

To mate, the male grasps the back of the female’s neck in his jaws (to hold her
still) and wraps his tail around hers until he can place his hemipenis into her
cloaca. The two can remain locked together for up to fifteen minutes.
The mating process can be very tempestuous--the male more or less forcibly holds the female in place until she submits to breeding. Although iguanas have specially
thickened scales on the back of their neck where the male usually grasps her, it
is not uncommon for the male’s jaws to inflict deep bites and cuts on the
female, that may bleed freely.

Also to be noted: male iguanas have two penises. A condition known as diphallic terrata*.

*I learned this playing Trivial Pursuit. Thanks Hasbro!

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