Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Aretha Your Boobs Are Huge!! They're Making Alan Greenspan Uncomfortable! (Robert Conquest, Pretty Much Diggin' It)

PETA strikes again! And this time their target, the illustrious Queen of Soul. No, not the Queen of Soul, Tina Turner, Beyonce announced prior to their recent Grammy's duet, but rather that other, bustier, Queen of Soul, Aretha Franklin.

Now, Aretha was pissed when Beyonce gave her moniker to another at the Grammy awards, but not as pissed as PETA. In a statement, PETA denounced Franklin for wearing one of her many furs to the recent Grammy awards, branding her a "court jester".

Music lovers may think of you as a 'queen,' but to animal lovers, you are a court jester... Why not shed the old-fashioned look that adds pounds to your frame and detracts from your beautiful voice? Please consider donating your furs to the homeless as 'queen of compassion,' Mariah Carey, did. You'll get a tax credit for the donation, and we at PETA will all sing your praises.


That's right Aretha, you shouldn't wear fur, you know why, because you're fat and it just makes you fatter. Come on, don't you want the PETA endorsement? Don't you want to be more like Mariah Carey? Come on, admit it, Aretha you've always been jealous of Mariah. Give your furs to the homeless, they're so beyond political notice it doesn't even matter if they wear fur, it's not even an ethical issue anymore. Ethics only apply when you're in the spotlight. And obviously that's where you love to be. Come on, join the skinny bitches.

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