"They say people don't believe in heroes anymore. Well damn them! You and me, Max, we're gonna give them back their heroes!"

Forget drug testing, let's hold our professional athletes (America's real heroes) to some really substantive standards. After the infamous Michael Vick Debacle of 2007 PETA has requested the NFL require an 8 hour course on animal empathy for all players.

This comes after Michael Vick recently completed this course himself. "He wished he had gotten to take this course five years ago," says Dan Shannon, a PETA representative.

This method of media salvation has most recently been demonstrated by Isiah Washington and Mel Gibson, who respectively got caught showing a "lack of empathy" for gay people and Jews. While Washington reached out to the gay community, and Gibson met with several rabbis, Washington still got fired and Mel is still detached from reality. Demonstrating this, Gibson will soon be moving his compound (personal church included!) to the outlaw region of Costa Rica, Guanacasta. One can only imagine his next movie will be a Blair Witch style story of massacre (think Lord of the Flies meets Custer's Last Stand). I, for one, cannot wait to see it!

Vick Takes Class in Animal Respect - The Canadian Press