If Its Psychologically Advanced Enough To Be Considered A Pet, It Probably Shouldn't Be Sold In A Mall Kiosk

So all else has failed. Its time to buy a franchise! While perhaps Quiznos is the most aggressive franchise marketeer, you want something... edgier, just a little bit more... cruel. Not Abu Ghraib cruel, just something that will show the world, I too can capitalize off of the frailty of the disempowered masses.

Sounds like you're ready to set up a Hermit Crab Kiosk! Here's how:

1) Buy A Kiosk. Or in industry speak, a Retail Merchandising Unit (RMU). Choose between you class act, traditional kiosk with fully enclosed counters, or your more self-contained, Interior RMU. Or if your feeling particularly adventurous and want to take it outside, opt for the Exterior RMU. There is truly a kiosk for every occasion.
2)Buy bulk Hermit Crabs and Hermit Crab supplies.
3) Put it all together.
4)Watch your financial woes disappear!

Love, Or Something Like It

Sex is complicated. The why, the who, the how, rarely so simple as the love myths would like you to believe.

For instance a study was just released in New Scientist suggesting that primates may treat sex as a commodity, trading a good knit-pick for poon. In fact, after grooming a female the likelihood of her "engaging in sexual activity" is three times more likely than were the grooming to not have occured.

"And as with other commodities, the value of sex is affected by supply and demand factors: A male would spend more time grooming a female if there were fewer females in the vicinity."

Now, I'm not saying this study isn't highly insightful in its analysis of biological relationships. But really, do we need all the capitalist terminology? Down with the dollar!!!