Hey There Vagina, Monkey - NSFW

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Love, Or Something Like It

Sex is complicated. The why, the who, the how, rarely so simple as the love myths would like you to believe.

For instance a study was just released in New Scientist suggesting that primates may treat sex as a commodity, trading a good knit-pick for poon. In fact, after grooming a female the likelihood of her "engaging in sexual activity" is three times more likely than were the grooming to not have occured.

"And as with other commodities, the value of sex is affected by supply and demand factors: A male would spend more time grooming a female if there were fewer females in the vicinity."

Now, I'm not saying this study isn't highly insightful in its analysis of biological relationships. But really, do we need all the capitalist terminology? Down with the dollar!!!

But do they drink and dial? - Drunk Monkeys!

Monkey Business Escalates to Riots

A gang of South African baboons have been breaking into homes and cars, stealing food, and causing mayhem with their erratic behavior. The group has already been linked to race-related violence, but previous outbreaks were limited to screeching, taunting, and indecent exposure.

It is believed that the clash broke out after a French tourist mistakenly provoked a high-ranking gang member outside an open market. According to one eyewitness, the Frenchman spat on the him while trying to correct his pronunciation of a type of gourmet cheese. This was misinterpreted as mockery by the typically excitable primate.

Witnesses report the crowd became agitated as the two exchanged insults, culminating in the symbolic throwing of feces, a popular battle cry among locals.

Authorities responding to the scene expect to control the situation within the day. Local officials attribute the clash to racial tension and economic hardship.

Video: These Monkeys Mean Business - msnbc.com